To be or not to be

So why is it that I always think I need to be more than me to be loved.
It's funny when we sometimes get caught up in thinking about someone who we feel we
need to be more than ourselves to find the approval of.
Sometimes I wish that I could somehow join the two aspects of my happiness.
Being me and be wanted for being me, by the person I want to be with.
And then I know... everyone feels the same sometimes... I know there are certain someones who feel the same about me directly..
I've been told, to paraphrase and to use the nomenclature, "you don't want the girl you gotta be jocking, you gotta get with the girl who's jocking you"
Except scenario a is equal to scenario b... It's all in the mirror... it's a reflection of reality, seeing
myself in the world.. and the world in myself.
Funny thing is, I try to assert myself a little and I guess I come off as the ass...
It's not being myself.. It's attempting to be the me I'd like to be.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Forcing anything causes an opposite reaction.
meh...
whatever...
G'night

100 posts

Says I really have nothing better to do aye?
But really so far my myspace status update fast is going well.
I think I can survive without it! So I have a new plan, next week I'm going to fast
from commenting or reading comments. It's going to be difficult I know but... I think I can do it.
Funny thing is no one has noticed or commented on my silence.
Of course in my self deluded state I had hoped someone would say.. ok brad it's been 6 days why haven't you posted a mood..or status update? But no, I think everyone is guessing they know why I'm being silent. And they are definately right as much as they are totally wrong.
Always I'm trying to improve myself. Whatever the catylst, it's me choosing to be me not
always a gut reaction to outside factors.
Why am i still typing?
Ok so, tomorrow I post my status update for the week....
"Status fast over. Now for a comment fast, see you at the end"
Brad

All the lonely people, where do they all come from..

So, I don't know that anyone follows this, which is excellent.. I got so attached to myspace for so long now, and you realize, when you have so many friends on there, that you can't say anything about anything about anyone.. every word is scrutinized...
When everyone who influences your life, everyone who inspires you to have something to say, good, bad, painful. You're so tempted to share your every thought inspiration, complaint.
But then everyone you're tempted to speak about is probably on your friends list... reading everything you post analyzing, scrutinizing wondering, is that about me? And it probably is...
So I'm trying to myspace detox... SO I'll just piss and moan here, where no one is listening..
Isn't that what blogging is all about?
Wait I think I have this backwards...
typical me.
EH.
B