Grown up?

Thinking about that manhood quote yesterday led me to start back on a long standing line of debate for me. When will I be a grown up?

There's no rite of passage or set date for such an achievement. Well, at least not that I've been told. (Sometimes I think everyones just keeping secrets) For certain I believe having children can be the catalyst for becoming a "grown up" but I know too many parents who didn't. Makes me sad for their children.

In the U.S. eighteen years of experience qualifies you in the governments eyes as being prepared for the duties and responsibilities of an adult.
But there is no test or exam to make sure that in those 18 years you actually learned anything.

Time and time again I've thought that I understood what I needed to do, created new challenges for myself to try and prove to myself that I have indeed reached that maturity. To list them here would just be self indulgent and pointless. The point is, I still have my doubts.

When I moved to Maine it was to be self sufficient, not to work for someone else. To find a way to make a living solely on my talents. Next month will make 4 years I've lived here in Bangor.
It's now been a year that I have been totally self sufficient. Between teaching and gigs I've managed to pay all my bills and get ahead a little bit. I've gotten the respect of my peers.

But have I grown up?

Manhood and Respect.

"There are two ways to define manhood. One is to say that manhood is the opposite of womanhood. The other is to say manhood is the opposite of childhood." -AOM

I, like the author, agree with the latter. I have known many strong, selfless, virtuous women who understand integrity, sacrifice and self reliance. As men we need to make sure we're setting the bar and living up to the values that we expect to see in those that we respect and honor in our lives.So often I see men who have very little respect for themselves or others. And I wonder if it isn't because everyone we are told deserves our respect has somehow failed us/them?

Preists, politicians, policemen, teachers, fathers, mothers, the elderly. Everyday our news has a story of how these people that we want to respect, and want our children to respect are shown in ill light. I feel like there is a general lack of respect for any authority figure now. No one knows who to trust, who to look up to.
People look to the days of the 40's and 50's with a mixed emotional bag. Yes there were racial and gender intolerances, yes there were spousal abuses that went unpsoken. There were preists doing unspeakable things to young children. Guess what, we've still got ALL those issues and more now. Except now the slope seems even more slippery. I hear my friends telling their children the police are here to protect them. And knowing that they really don't belive it. Asking children to respect and obey their school teachers, that the parents haven't even taken the time to get to know.

I saw a younger guy in the bar this weekend who had no idea how to handle himself in the prescence of a woman. And it really made me think about that. Where would he have learned or not learned that abililty? And how many women don't know better and let that slide? It's just sad really. My mother has said before "oh how bad the world is getting" and I always say, the world hasn't changed that much. We're just hearing more about it.

I still think that's true, but I find that there's alot more truth to my mothers words than I often give credit. There is a fact in science that we cannot observe something without the mere act of observation effecting what it is we are trying to observe. The news may be getting better at showing us problems that have always existed, but seeing ourselves in that light isn't improving the situation.
I have more to say but... I really don't think it would matter that I did...