First Snow

It's Oct 30th, 2011. If you're reading this, I'm most likely bread.

I just spent some quality time poking through old blog posts. I think the words bring me back more so than pictures. The words force me to recreate the time in my mind. To think about the smell. the feeling of the clothing. the pain, the pleasures.

Sometimes I look back at pictures and it doesn't seem real. That's not me.

That guy is too young.

Too happy.

Too ?

Did I ever mention the first paycheck I made when I lived in San Fran was made out to Bread O'Brien?

Perhaps it's just the fall, making me emotional. Bringing up old memories. Perhaps it's the relationship changes. All of the above. Or I'm just a morose mofo and every once and a while it's got to spill out somewhere and paper (er binary) is the safest place to be when I've got to vomit some emo bile.

I didn't realize how many people had made comments on this blog throughout the time I've had it. Reading other peoples thoughts, that they even took an interest, made this even more cathartic. thanks everyone. Here's to Samhain, all hallows eve. The day of the saints. And soon to the winter solstice that counts down the 1 year mark to our mayan 2012 extravaganza. Seat belts on and tray tables up, lets enjoy the ride!

The second mouse gets the cheese..

It's another cold fall morning I'm feeling introspective again.

Must be time to check if Google had deleted my blog again.

Dammit.

xo

Arcs orbits and other astronomical anomalies

It's said the universe abhors a vacuum.
People say a lot of crap.

Now theories of the universes destruction and creation are pointing to black holes! The biggest sucking lack of everything since a kirby rep first knocked on a door. (or "The Situation" becoming famous).

Seems to me everything in the known material universe operates in arcs, curves, parabolic orbits and all other manner of non-linear fashion.
So getting right to my point, even though a straight line might be the fastest way to get somewhere. I can't say it's the most natural.
Well what about objects in motion... until acted upon by outside forces.. etc etc... Well, I think we can say quite certainly nothing truly exists in a vacuum. Well.. Dog hair, maybe.
No object I'm aware of is not subject to the effects of outside forces.
Gravity gets us all in the end, ask Dolly P. Thankfully science can combat the forces of nature and bend her rules like a superhero fighting evil and steel bars. Which is why we can keep miss Parton perky and why CNN can comment on Boeing's research into anti-gravity propulsion technologies (here's a hint, the aliens left if for us in a nevada christmas stocking)

Did I have a point? I feel like all these universal concepts apply to our social contexts as well. We try like all hell to live in a straight line shooting for a some elusive goal at the end of the race. But the end of the race is the black hole. Death. The place nothing escapes from and where the whole universe is going. Sounds depressing? It is. But it's also the natural progression of life the universe and everything, 42 be dammed. (maybe someday we will learn that 42 times the speed of light is the magic number required to escape a black holes gravitational pull once your inside the event horizon. But I digress.)

So I suggest that you embrace your elliptical orbit, the slow path that revolves around all the other heavenly bodies which populate your universe.
When people feel like they are pulling you into their lives, they are.
It's only natural. We all have a gravitational field around us. Attracting some, some times we slingshot another away. Came in to fast and smashed into us, throwing up a cloud that extinguished all our dinosaurs and allowed a new bipedal mammal to flourish. To find reason and science and gods and goddess and to seek understanding of the world around us to the point where we're spending more time seeking a paycheck or the meaning of the universe than we are being grateful to have had the opportunity to exist..

Let that black hole exist and let it have it's slow draw on us. But I hope I for one I can wind down to it having seen all that the universe could show me until there was nothing left for me but to explore the other side of that gravity well. Where I will wait for it to swallow the matter of being until it's so full it explodes into the creation of another universe!

What did your face look like before you were born?

A toast for my mothers surprise 60th birthday party today.

I would like to make a toast, to my mother, the best any son could have.

To my oldest friend..... and I don't say that because shes been here for sixty years! I say it because for the last 34 years every time I needed a friend Im comforted knowing she is there for me, without fail.

And I'm so glad that today I can be here for her!
To celebrate her birth with her closest friends and family.

It seems..... as my mother has always joked, that unfortunately we were destined to be smart and beautiful instead of rich and successful. But what she may not have realized is that a long time ago she taught me my most valuable life lesson. I learned a new definition of "rich and successful". Seeing the wealth of love and friendships, recognizing success as the respect of my peers and the redeeming aspects of doing what I love to do, what i have to do. How to use the gifts given to me to make my way in the world. And to make the world a better place when I leave it, than when i came into it.

I've learned from my mother that honesty and respect for others is not only it's own reward, (because we all know it doesn't pay the bills) but is rewarded in kind with respect, trust and genuine friendships.. Like those I see in this room. I see it rewarded in the people who organized this event, planned every detail and invitation, who made it possible for me to be here because they knew how much that would mean to her and to me.

One last thing, a favorite story I love to share with people about my mother. When I was much younger, when money was tight and life was stressful, my mom and I would take a vacation. Our vacation spot, usually... was Newport creamery! Over an ice cream sundae we would sit and talk about life and all it's quirks, the blessing and the struggles. But we talked not as a twelve year old boy and his mother. But as the best of friends, helping each other work out our problems, or taking our minds off them,
I would often say as a child "thank you for giving birth to me mom" and all these years later I still feel the same gratitude.
Mom, you gave me this life and showed me how to live it, thank you, I love you.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:A conchord bus headed south....

Borrowed from a friend...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was,
since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies
(adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly
when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a
classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for
doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly
children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense
took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own
home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:The bathroom...

Everything exists in each of us

I'm going to ask a favor of you. Let us play a simple game together.
You won't even have to get out of your chair I promise!
Think of someone that you like and respect very much. Someone who's character and opinions seem to exemplify all those things you hold dear.
Think of the feeling that person brings out in you when you are with them, or when you are focused on them. What qualities in them do you admire?
I could think of a lot of people, my brother Chris, my friend Kent, even Victor Wooten who I don't know personally, is an example of good character to me.
When I think about the good characteristics of just these three men I find similarities;
honesty,
compassion,
confidence,
intelligence,
creativity..

And of course many more facets to each of them.
Are these character traits exclusive to them? Or do we, you and I, share them too?
I hope we do. I aspire to a life which when examined would reveal similar qualities in me. I strongly believe that everyone that I have have invited into my life have these qualities in their character and much much more.

Now, lets drop the other shoe. Think about someone that you dislike very much.
Personally, historically or in literature or film even. I can think of a few of these too, although, it's very difficult for me to name one that I know personally. Other than famous men of evil and ill will. ... I was gonna name a bunch but I thought better of it.. The problem I have about using these famous names is that we can't separate the men from the deeds. And all evil deeds in my mind stem from a place where the character of the man (or woman) was lacking. So lets think very simply about what would make a "bad man";

Dishonesty.
Selfishness.
Anger.

It's hard for me to come up with many more concepts to a bad person, that isn't a label for a bad deed. Or that can't be summed up in those three. Someone who would murder another person for personal gain is obviously selfish, to the extreme.
Someone you wouldn't trust with your money or your loved ones is obviously dishonest. Now we take the mirror again and check our selves. I have been at fault of, and have the capacity for; dishonesty, selfishness and anger inside me.
I don't know anyone who doesn't. The arguably worst mass murderer in history only suffered in greater degree's of the same flaws of character which I myself posses.
I think this is where in the wisdom of "Judge Not" would lay.

I know this is nothing new, not to the world, not to me and probably not to the would be (could be?) reader. But I think we all need to remind ourselves of what it is we are showing the world of ourselves. Making decisions in anger, out of selfishness or dishonesty shows the world the worst of us. But just by taking a beat, reflecting in our own actions, decisions and speech. We can show each other more respect, more love, more compassion and just plain more of what the world needs from all of us to become the place we hope and dream to live. Where a handshake means something to a man who's honor is placed where it belongs, ahead of his greed. Not because it is "better" to be viewed as an honorable man. But so that by example we can fill the world with people who's word is as strong as a bond. And the faith we can have in our fellow man will raise each of use to higher aspirations.

An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. But each of us lifting one another up out of fear and ignorance will raise the whole world to see with new eyes.





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Grown up?

Thinking about that manhood quote yesterday led me to start back on a long standing line of debate for me. When will I be a grown up?

There's no rite of passage or set date for such an achievement. Well, at least not that I've been told. (Sometimes I think everyones just keeping secrets) For certain I believe having children can be the catalyst for becoming a "grown up" but I know too many parents who didn't. Makes me sad for their children.

In the U.S. eighteen years of experience qualifies you in the governments eyes as being prepared for the duties and responsibilities of an adult.
But there is no test or exam to make sure that in those 18 years you actually learned anything.

Time and time again I've thought that I understood what I needed to do, created new challenges for myself to try and prove to myself that I have indeed reached that maturity. To list them here would just be self indulgent and pointless. The point is, I still have my doubts.

When I moved to Maine it was to be self sufficient, not to work for someone else. To find a way to make a living solely on my talents. Next month will make 4 years I've lived here in Bangor.
It's now been a year that I have been totally self sufficient. Between teaching and gigs I've managed to pay all my bills and get ahead a little bit. I've gotten the respect of my peers.

But have I grown up?